Church

Because my love psychic had told me that religion would help me in strengthening my spirituality, I began looking for churches or temples to attend. Since Buddhist temples were too far, I sought out traditional Christian churches - Presbyterian, Lutheran, Methodist, Catholic, I didn't care.

She stressed that it was important for me to stay positive, have faith and belief that everything will be okay. It was emotionally draining for me to keep this positivity after living my entire life so negatively. Surprisingly, I took a liking to the discipline and the regimented lifestyle of the Catholic religion. I began to pray every night, sometimes multiple times a day, and began attending mass 3-5 times a week. When I told my love psychic how many times I was going to church, she laughed out loud and said,

"Haley, you go to church more than Christians! you're putting them to shame! Since you don't know how much is enough, you'll keep going as much as you can, right?"

She chuckled in amusement, and I felt embarrassed. =\ She was exactly right. Of course! Why wouldn't she be? Should I have any doubt? After a few months of seeing her regularly, she knew me inside out afterall.

Going to church gave me some relief from the madness of having been in the dark for so long. I felt some peace of mind and a warm comfort in my heart when I was there. I often went to church during my lunch hour, to just sit in the empty pews, and pray. Thinking about Ryan helped me get through hard days as well. I would think about how happy I was when I was with him, how I felt on the first day we spent together, laying on his chest, and walking through the park with him hand in hand.

No matter how many services I attended, every single one brought me to tears as I realized how deprived I had been, living without this in my life. I found the music beautiful and the sermons very touching. I used to think that religion was for weak people - people who needed someone or something to believe in for their sanity and life direction. How so blatantly wrong I was...