Second Date

We got together again second time to go surfing again a few days later. This time, we met on a weekend. We had the same amazing chemistry, easy conversations, and a comfort with each other as if we had been together for a long time. We had another great day of surfing, cheering each other on as we each caught wave after wave, and talking about our lives when waiting for a set to come in.

When we were driving home that day, we enjoyed the comfortable silence between us, tired from a full day of surfing. I had my head on his lap and was caressing his free arm when he said,

"You know, it's funny. It feels like we've been together for a long time, doesn't it?"
"Yea, it does...." I whispered as I studied his face and thought the same thing.
"Drive slower, Ryan... can you?" I asked in a tired voice. I wanted to prolong our time together. He knew what I meant.

As we got closer to our meeting spot in the morning where I had left my car, my stomach squirmed at the thought of being away from him once again.

At that moment, he said, "Oops! I almost took you home with me..." as he drove past his exit toward our morning meeting spot.
"Why don't you?" I said. I wanted to be with him so badly.
As he stroked his hand across my cheek, he said, ".... I want to take you home and not come up for air for 3 days."

I imagined being with him and said, "Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we go away for a weekend together? It would be fun."
He looked at me, and his peaceful face turned to a serious one as he contemplated. He finally said, "... I just can't right now..." I winced at his answer and tears immediately welled up in my eyes as the lump in my throat got bigger. I had to look away so that he wouldn't see my eyes. I didn't want him to see me cry.

He saw my disappointment and tried to cheer me up with, "Let's imagine, if we were to go, where would we go?" I didn't reply. I couldn't speak as I tried to hold back my tears.

When we reached our morning meet spot, he stopped the car and sighed. I could see the confusion in his eyes. I climbed into his lap and started to kiss him on his neck and lips. He kissed me back, then all of a sudden, he said, "no no no no no... I can't. I can't." I let him free to unload our gear, and cried as I watched him begin to repack his car. We were going to be apart again. I didn't want to let him go; I wanted to take him home with me. He had confessed to me that he was unhappy in his relationship. But why wouldn't he leave her? I didn't understand. In that long 2 minutes, I came to the conclusion that if he really wanted me, he would leave her.

When done repacking everything, he called for me. When I reached him between our cars, he put his arms around me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held tight. I took a big breath and managed to squeeze out, "I don't think I can keep seeing you, Ryan.... I'm going to end up hurt....its too painful." He looked at me adoringly, but with confusion and sympathy. He sighed and said, "I understand."

I painfully pulled myself away from him, got into my car hesitantly and drove away first. And that was it.... I cried all night that evening.

It felt so wrong to be away from him.

Over the next few days, I tried to listen to my head and tell myself that I shouldn't be seeing someone who is already taken and wasn’t going to leave his girlfriend for me. "He's just not worth it!" I thought.

But my feelings for him was so strong that at the end, I wanted to be with him no matter what. Whether he was with another woman or not, I wanted him next to me. Is that crazy?

I couldn't understand how I could want so badly even if that person was with someone else. But it wasn't in a dirty way. It was more of the emotional connection that I wanted to preserve with him. I emailed him, asking to get together again. We tried to organize another day to spend together again a few more times, but weather never cooperated and nothing materialized. After this, the calls and the emails between us stopped.