Meeting Ryan

Have you ever had that feeling where a mere thought of a person makes your heart stop and leaves you breathless? We see the expression “Love at First Sight” mentioned in many movies and books. I disregarded the expression as something that doesn’t exist in real life. Are some people really meant for each other from the moment that they’re born? It doesn’t make scientific, logical sense. I always believed that love needed to grow and develop, and doesn’t “automatically” happen like in fairy tales. All this changed one day in May of 2008.

I’ve thought about Ryan every day since the first day that he and I met. He's the first thing I think about in the mornings when I wake up and the last thing I think about in the evenings when I go to sleep. (Yea, corny, I know.) All my memories of the time that he and I have spent together are still crystal clear while my time with other men in my life has faded or has long been forgotten.

When I met Ryan, I was living in my dark, lonely bubble. Although I was trying desperately to break out of it, I found myself unhappy about my life, job, and the absence of a true life partner that I longed to have in my life permanently. The first day that Ryan and I spent together, I felt relief and some healing from that loneliness and the frustration that I felt from this life. But what I found later was that we were actually healing each other by being with each other.

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I met Ryan while on a surfing trip to San Diego in May of last year. I had been free of my last 2 year relationship for the past 5 months, and was still dealing with the change in my lifestyle - the freedom, the loneliness, surfing, doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted without thinking about what the other person would think. I had seen and heard about Ryan from pictures that my surfing buddies had of him. And I didn't think much of it when I saw them.

The first morning in San Diego, Ryan came to the house that we were staying at. I remember that he came in to greet the group and walked right past me without saying a word. I was a little intimidated, I admit. He was tall and nice looking. But I quickly dismissed it and thought, “eh, another typical guy.” At that time, I was dating someone else anyway - another surfer who lived in Hawaii.

During the morning get-together where we all got ready for a great day of surfing, Ryan made jokes about me not being prepared. Yes, I forgot to bring wax, extra leash, and booties (I hate walking over the tiniest of rocks!). Oops...! So what? It felt a little like he was singling me out to get my attention, and I felt butterflies in my stomach because of it. During the van ride to our secret surf spot (well, maybe not-so-secret), I remember staring at the back of his head from the back seat, hoping that he would turn his head so that I could get a glimpse of his face. Maybe it was his jokes or the flirting? I was unsure why I was drawn to him. And every now and then, I would get a glimpse of his face when he would turn around to explain certain things that we needed to be aware of when surfing the particular break that we were headed to. My stomach did flips each time I thought he was looking at me.

Throughout that weekend, as we spent more time around each other, I found that we had incredible chemistry. During lunch the next day, I found myself studying Ryan’s face rather than eating. He had the most beautiful green eyes. Because the sun was shining directly on his face, I could see his eyes very clearly. Deep green with small yellow dots. They were beautiful. In the past, I had always been attracted to men with green eyes and dark hair. Was it just a coincidence that Ryan just happen to have dark hair and green eyes?

We flirted with each other like 2 little kids, trying to get each other’s attention by hitting or teasing each other. When I dozed off next to him, he would put his hand on my head and caress my hair. When we touched, I felt electricity and goosebumps through my body, just like how I'd read in books. I thought, "What the... is this really happening?" It made me wonder whether he did this with everyone or whether he felt something real too.

When everyone was packing up to go home on Sunday, I had hoped that Ryan would stay longer, so that we could spend more time together. But he began to pack up for his trip back, so I started packing up as well. When he got into his car to drive back, I noticed that he paused and sat there for a few minutes. And I saw this as a chance for last conversation before we parted. We exchanged numbers and I immediately caught him leaving a dirty message on my voicemail. Something that I would find funny. We exchanged some laughs, he gave me some trident fruit flavored gum, and we parted. By the way, I kept those pieces of gum for the next 3 months on my counter. Even when I cleaned my counter, I left them. Ridiculous, right?

We talked on the phone with each other all the way home. I remember thinking that I could have talked to him all night. I began to miss him already and didn’t want to get off the phone. But eventually, he got off the phone to get gas, and never called me back.